Happy Holidays

This is a short placeholder for me to recall that which I am thankful for and my overall joy that is important to be both reminded of and to reflect upon during the holidays. It's easy to get caught up in day-to-day nonsense and drama and the unimportant problems and shortcomings, losing sight of the big picture, than it is to truly be thankful and appreciative both for this gift of life and the living of it.

Understanding this isn't thanksgiving, but closer to a new year, and I cannot wait for the end of 2009. Not to focus on the negative as previously stated, 2009 has not been very good to me, but to quote Nietzsche strength comes through wounding, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, ah yes!

I will get back to improving this but the importance of sleep supersedes all else!

Happy Holidays

(Random holiday party of a friend, felt its worthwhile posting!)

I wish I could express the beauty I see and the hope I hold. I once told someone my love for humanity is the reason I am alive, and what I meant by that is life isn't worth living unless you have something worth living for, and I would quickly say this is my love of my family and friends. And yet here I sit in front of a metal and plastic device, artificially conveying a digitized means of communication that is completely devoid of actual emotion or humanity, save what one can discern from these words. And if I do not count the several people I talked to on the phone today, or the clerk at the grocery store, the only face to face interpersonal relations I had today were between my Roommate and one of my professors.

Under normal conditions, such as my previous semester at school, or if I was living where I grew up, my encounters and interactions would be much different. I will say that my current situation I exist in is representative in terms of it being an outlier, not representational of a normal day, week, or month. But regardless it speaks volumes about how some of us live, as a greater degree of my contact is through the realms of social networking or online communication. I do not see our new degree of interconnectedness and ability to communicate as a positive thing. I believe our contact is watered down through impersonal implementations that remove the humanity from talk. One can have enjoyable, engaging conversations on the phone, and the barrier produced by the plastic wireless device isn't the worst. However the ease at which we can IM, facebook, myspace, or blog our lives away with people we'd normally make efforts to see in person, waters down normal contact in favor of abnormal means to placate our desire for social interaction.

We live in a fast-food era of communication, in which services like Twitter, Facebook, and our constant interconnectedness report the mundane

they don't give you time to actually think of something worth saying or talking about, you are constantly bombarded with the pointless and useless information.


Now the tables have turned on who screws who with social networking!

hypocrites oath

I have become a character in a play, a caricature of myself, the outlines cast along the outside of my shadow making lines that are hard to follow-

and impossible to read. Yet someone keeps writing them.

So this tragic hero, seems what I have shortly become. A sad shell of myself, in the sense that I have become the antithesis of so much of what I speak for and against, I say this knowing that time will solve this, will resolve, will absolve, and I must have the will and a way, but it is time, that is the greatest healer. It is in this recognition that I realize, so I rise above.

I have become a victim of my own identity, of my desire to create my own self-hood, the isolationary practice just making me distant from others. I can escape this, circa survive, on letting go. It is sort of a personal mantra, I used to be so impossibly strong, I used to not need anyone or anything, save close family and friends. I used to have an unbreakable will, there was a point where I can say things were perfect and I had overcome greater loss than this, but this is a different kind, and not a choice I made alone. I made mistakes and for that I am sorry, but it was a grand culmination, and flashbacks of the past, that made it impossible for me to handle.

But I've risen before, I can't say I am the phoenix but I sure can emulate her, feigning my death and resignation as "the selfish purveyor of the truth", only to come back when I'm good and ready. It just takes time to heal, and to rebuild. Again I used the term selfish, I mean that in the sense of self-providing and self-reliance, autonomous. Too many people are not, I try to figure everything out on my own, only so that I can share it and give back to the rest of the world. That is how I see it.

Too often do people get mixed up, tangled in the lives of others, like broken tree limbs on telephone wires, a web of information and support, closer still to pull themselves and each other down. Because they weren't strong enough to stand together, many aren't strong enough to stand alone, but in time you can get that strength, and when you have it, you can take on the burden.

It just seems many are not ready, and some will never be.

Happiness

The concept of being happy, of content that is in ones life, is probably one of the most difficult to address on the surface, and essentially a state of mind that everyone hopes to achieve one day. I say one day only because there are those who believe the world to be an awful place, who see the pain and suffering, of both self and those around, with a sort of contempt. And they believe not only will the world and its inhabitants never change, but they cannot help.

They are wrong.

If you were to read some of my previous writings you may believe me to be many things, I don't know what, I will leave the interpretations, or MISS-Interpretations up to you and your understanding. I see this, as is stated in the header, this and the inherent writings, they are an outlet. I'd like to hope that my outlet could allow for other people to "plug-in" and receive some sort of personal enlightenment, to change something other than the page on their web browser. But that is doubtful.

Happiness is about making a choice, accepting reality in context of self and place, and being content with this choice, this can be achieved in control over self.

You need self control.

Now one may say they have discipline, they have this, they have structure, order to life, but chances are they merely have routine, they have repetition, they do the same thing and because it works, it is viewed as control, sometimes even progress. This illusion is quickly shattered when other people enter your life, for better or for worse. Again, in terms of inadequacy, to look at the negative aspect of others entering ones life when compared in context to self, that is a choice. You have to choose to think or feel that way. You can only let another person affect you so much. At first it can be difficult, but with discipline, self control, you can help to define who and what you truly are. Other people will try to project their insecurities,their fears, their shortcomings onto you.

Stay away from those people.

Ultimately we are all people, we all have a similar potential for greatness, it is not bestowed upon you, one does not ask to achieve, one merely does. You either act, or you do not act, you have a choice. A choice to stay or leave, a choice to make your dream a reality, or spend your day dreaming. People are our greatest resource, we see this time after time, and in the old stories of those who pursue material good or hedonistic pleasure only to try to fill an empty vacuous void of endless wants.

You seek personal enlightenment? Do you seek to open or close doors? It is all up to how you choose to see yourself and place in the world, this isn't an overnight eureka moment, this isn't something to rush into, a change you make instantly. Instead it is a slow path to personal self-discovery, to figure yourself out.

If one can conquer their inner self, their inhibitions, their primal instincts, one can then conquer the world.

Everything happens for a reason, and as they say, what goes around comes around.

defy cult ties

Difficulties

I enjoy wordplay, probably more than most people.  A play on words or a pun, a metaphor, is almost enhanced when one is able to type it and see it, sure of course I can think of words as the word them self or the image that proceeds, but to see, the sea, well, u c differently LOL.

Anyways, what weighs me down seems to be a burden that is difficult to openly speak of, not to defy cult ties, because I belong to none, the title for anyone who can think fast enough, is a play on words for difficulties.

But in a sense if one was to read greater into this they could make some sort of attempt to discern a greater meaning.  That is a fault I find in the field of psychology and basically any situation in which one speaks in metaphors or looks too much into the art of the artist.

Case and point (listen and read):

Lyrics:

you see I'm awake
this compute her is sleeping
seems wide mistakes
not worth repeating

I'm buried by your lies
I'm dragged by these ties
you'd use this to destroy this

lawful orderliness mess
lawful order clean dismiss

alone in the lie you bury me
I've read tomes
what have you read to me
this play dough was red and it carried
this play dumb was blue and it buried

I'm buried by your lies
I'm dragged by these ties
you'd use this to destroy this

lawful orderliness mess
lawful order clean this misunderstanding
this standing
will spring
summers fall

a burden of truth
I'm so happy to be
unlocked
unlocked
never before so merry.
but alone and this lie I will bury.
but alone and these cries
these cries
these cries
these cries
I will carry

We will analyze one segment of this to show an artistic viewpoint that purposefully allows for multiple interpretations:

This standing will spring summers fall

standing-spring-fall

movements, actions, one can stand, be sprung, and fall

standing will bring upon the fall of summer

to winter, autumn or fall, springs the fall of summer, spring summer fall (three seasons)

well we could read into this one line endlessly

and that was the point.

its a riddle

Welcome Sesame

The world seems to be truly a world of a mathematical nature, not to be seen in the sense of physics or a mechanical or engineered sense if one was to try to measure or express in a numerical sense.  This sense I spare is more akin to nonsense, but given the poor nature, we will say non-cents.

No, I say instead the primacy of numbers, those which cannot be divided.  Indivisible.

There are only three types of individual thought processes in the world, seven continents with seven types of body characteristics, and thirteen toes.

I think Maynard said it best, we are eternal, all of this pain is an Illusion.

This is not my first foray into the digital realm of journalistic expression, instead only now this serves as a means to further an anonymous agenda.  The attention I have pastly garnered has instead only served as an isolationary means to distance those who don't understand, or don't care, I see it as those who are just above being jealous, instead only to be broken up and apart.

A veil of anonymity allows for an expression without repression, without repercussions, or the risk of concussions, of those who fearfully seek to silence a voice with threats. Violence, how about violins?  Singing the sad symphony, sympathy?  

No, fear, guided by fear you will only be lost, it is temporary, irrational, and serves only to push the body into a placated docile imbecile umbilical severed mode, meaning that its average kind will not kindle a spirited response, but instead leave no kin behind. 

If you want to figure out the truth, you only have to seek it, and sometimes ask, asking does not grant an understanding, instead its more akin to those who sit and let others stand over them, stuck in the shadow.

I have encountered my shadow, and I am faster than you.

-Because I understand-